Late AntiHardwick
by Athena Picasso
Summary: Everything goes crazy when the flock finds out about Rob Pattinson, Kristen Stweart, and Catherine Hardwick. With help from a friend, they fix it all.


**Sorry, Anti-Hardwick day was a few days ago but I will still write an Anti-Hardwick fanfiction, it's the thought that counts, right?**

"Wait, Rob Pattinson- As me?!" Fang burst out with a testy expression on his face. "Why must the world be so cruel?" he went on to mutter.

"Who plays me? Who plays me?" Nudge asked Max impatiently, grabbing Max's arm "Does she look like me? Who, who, who?" her voice steadily rose in pitch, and her grip on Max's arm tightened.

"I don't know." Max said "All I know is what it says here: Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart as Max and Fang!"

"Who's the director?" Iggy asked. He was walking in with Gazzy, they both had mischievous smiles on their faces and their eyes were full of not knowingness.

"Ummm, Catherine Hardwick." Max said.

Their smiles disappeared.

"Catherine Hardwick?!?" Nudge exclaimed, letting go of Max's arm and throwing herself full on into a rant "Did you SEE what she did to Twilight?

"I mean, it's bad enough that Pattinson will play fang and Stewart Max, but with Catherine Hardwick directing, they'll get it all wrong!"

"Everything will be way too intense." Iggy said "Fang will have some kind of whispery voice and he'll be way too emo!"

"My life is ruined!!!" Nudge wailed "My one chance at stardom, flushed down the toilet. Oh Producers, why must you be so naive?"

"Didn't anyone see Twilight?" Angel asked, coming in. "Catherine Hardwick is a TERRIBLE director."

"I don't want Pattinson to play me!" Fang said "I don't want there to be a movie about our lives, we're supposed to be living in secret, you know."

"Do whitecoats even GO to the movies?" Max asked.

Nobody answered.

"Where is Pattinson, oh how fit a word for that name to perish on my sword*" Fang said.

Then things got a little crazy.

Nudge started doing the hokey pokey…

Fang started sword fighting with an imaginary Rob Pattinson…

Max started reading the gossip magazine…

Angel started doing speedy circles around everyone…

And Iggy and Gazzy did an Irish jig.

"Everyone, calm down, calm down." Athena said as she walked in, her arms outstretched.

Nudge stopped singing and dancing the hokey pokey…

Fang killed Rob Pattinson in their sword fight…

Angel stopped her speedy circles and ran into Athena…

Iggy and Gazzy stopped their Irish jig…

And Max flipped the page of People.

"Max." Athena said "Put the magazine down."

"But-"

"I know, I know, Demi Lavoto and Trace Cyrus are now an item. But sweetie, that's not important right now."

Max reluctantly bookmarked her page and sat the magazine down on the table.

"Now, What we need to do is simply go to the panel of producers and ask them to get rid of Hardwick, and Pattinson, and Stewart." Athena said. "I'll hire the cab."

"But we're in the middle of-" Max was interrupted by the honking of a horn.

"Author's magic." Athena said.

"But there are-" As they walked out the door, Max was cut of by the size of the taxi.

It was a typical rock band van, except painted yellow and black with a little sighn on the front, advertising some nightclub in the middle of the city.

"This better be good, Athena." the driver said as they all clambered into the car "I was in the middle of the city, driving a VIP to Broadway."

"Juan, we'll settle the score later but for now, to Hardwick's office." Athena said, pointing in the northern direction.

The taxi went full speed ahead and within minutes they were in the middle of a crowd, complete with protesting signs and chanting.

Through the "We want a new director, we want a new director," Max yelled "Is this it?"

"Yep." Athena said "Now to get in…"

They made their way through the crowd of shaking fists and pitchforks and finally got to the door, where two big burly bodyguards were standing.

"Angel, you do the honors." Athena said.

Angel smiled her little girl smile and looked at the bodyguards, looking as innocent as possible.

In a few moments, the bodyguards stepped aside and the flock and Athena walked in, the angry mob following after.

Thy made their way to the producer's room, which was surprisingly easy. Athena had a set of keys which she used on every trap. The piranha lake froze over, the knights with broadswords fell of their horses, and the lion turned into a kitten.

When they finally got to the door saying _Producer's Room_ they opened the door.

There were about 5 men sitting at a large table, discussing things.

"Hey Athena." They all said.

"Sorry I'm late, guys but I brought donuts!!" she said, setting a box down on the table. They all grabbed from the box. "Now about this Twilight, Hardwick thing, she must be gotten rid of…"

And after a long negotiation and some donut throwing, the plan was set.

The director would not be Hardwick, but James Patterson himself. Pattinson would not play Fang, but teddy Geiger Kristen Stewart would not play Max, but Brie Larson, the rest of the cast would go through the flock.

So they celebrated with punch, sherbet, waffles, and saltines.

And Nudge started doing the hokey pokey…

Fang turned on Dance Dance Revolution…

Max opened her magazine…

Iggy and Gazzy did an irish jig…

And Athena did a kickline with no one in particular.

*Quote from Lysander, in a Midsummer Night's dream.

**GO ANTI-HARDWICK!!!!!**

**Athena was me, BTW.**


End file.
